This is What You Get
by frozenapple
Summary: Elsa has come to harbor strange feelings for her sister, Anna. To her surprise, Anna returns these feelings in kind. But what kind of sister would she be if she let these feelings develop? What kind of person would she be to fall in love with her sister? What kind of Queen would she be? Elsanna, incest, angst - M rating for future(?) chapters.
1. Invitation

**A/N:** Hey guys, this is the first fanfic that I've written in _years._ So any constructed criticism is welcome with open arms. Anyways, I've been obsessing about Elsanna for a while now and I love angst, so here we are.

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Chapter One: Invitation

* * *

She was alone now, pacing back and forth through the dark room, trying to get a hold of herself.

_Conceal, don't feel. Conceal, don't feel. _

_Conceal. Don't. Feel._

It wasn't working very well.

Her familiar mantra was doing little to calm her nerves or her rapidly beating heart. Elsa could feel it pounding away in her ears and it was only getting faster. She was sweating now, even with the windows and walls completely covered in ice, and her breathing was shallow.

Ignoring the snowflakes falling heavily through the air around her, Elsa crossed her arms, digging fingernails into her skin as she tried to talk herself out of... Whatever these feelings were.

* * *

_**Earlier**_

Elsa sighed, allowing her shoulders to droop as the last of the dignitaries filled out of the room. She had been at this, this attempt to repair Arendalle's relationship with it's neighboring kingdoms, since morning. The sun was close to the horizon now, lazily drifting its way towards the sea, it's orange hues painting the room with warmth.

With a groan she stood up from her seat at the head of the table and gestured a steward over that had silently entered her meeting about an hour ago.

"What is it that needs my attention now?" she spoke, letting her exhaustion let itself known with another sigh.

"If the matter could wait an hour then it must not be that urgent."

_Maybe I can just put whatever it is off until tomorrow. _

Elsa knew her hopes were in vain, however. Arendalle needed her now more than ever to be their leader, their Queen, and Queens don't put off till tomorrow what they could do today.

"Not as urgent as the meeting with the foreign kingdoms were, my grace." Kai, one of her most faithful servants, stepped forward and bowed slightly. He held an arm out toward the set of thick doors that the dignitaries had just left from and gave Elsa a look that seemed to say, 'Forgive me'.

"The princess, my grace, would like your audience, " he spoke too loudly for the empty room but Elsa knew he was talking to be heard from beyond the doors.

"Princess Anna?" Kai called.

The double doors opened and from behind them, Anna stepped into the room. She was dressed in a gown that was far too intricate to be her normal day clothes, and Elsa also took note of her braids, which were pinned behind her head into a bun. The soft orange of the sunset making her already red hair appear even more fiery.

_She looks like summer itself. _ Elsa thought, noticing how nearly everything about Anna contrasted herself.

A shy smile graced Anna's cheeks and she offered a small wave towards the monarch. And from the look on her face, Elsa knew something was up.

"Thank you, Kai. Now, if you could allow us to talk..." Elsa smiled politely, nodding as Kai bowed once again and departed just as quietly as he had arrived.

"Hi, Elsa." She beamed before quickly adding, "I mean, Queen Elsa."

A small curtsey and she walked carefully towards her older sibling, fidgeting visibly.

Elsa smiled to herself. How long was it going to take Anna to get used to her new title? It had been a full year since the coronation and even Elsa had settled into her new title and responsibilities by now.

As Anna closed the distance between them, Elsa's mind reeled at what exactly her younger sister was up to.

_She looks beautiful in that dress. She's beautiful in every dress that she has, but this one is different. It looks like she's trying to... Impress someone? Who? And why does she look nervous? _

"Hi, Anna." Elsa stepped closer to her sister and tried he best to give a reassuring smile.

"What did you need to talk about? And I certainly hope you weren't standing out in the hall waiting for an hour."

"Actually, I was. I just, needed to talk to you ab- well, more like ask you about something."

The redhead flashed a nervous smile, her shoulders riding up to her ears.

"It's not anything important, it's a minor thing actually. Like, it would be no big deal if you said we couldn't. But, I mean, you just finished your last meeting for the day and its almost dinner time and there's nothing else to do, even though I'm sure you're tired, because you look exhausted! Wait, I don't mean that you look bad. You actually always look really good, which is weird because it's like, how can a person just always look so beautiful all of the time, y'know? And-"

"Anna."

Elsa rubbed the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut.

_She always does this when she's nervous. I don't have the patience right now to go through five minutes of her ranting. _

Looking up from over her fingers she saw her younger sister messing with the hem of her dress, looking at her expectantly.

"You're getting off topic. What is making you get so worked up? Just ask me already."

Anna squared her shoulders and lifted her chin trying her best to conjure confidence. Taking in a deep breath she spoke,

"There'sthisdinnerpartyoneofthenoblesinvitedmetoand," a quick breath,

"Iwantedyoutogowithme."

A hesitant grin spread across her freckled face as she searched Elsa's eyes for any hint of disapproval.

The Queen's eyebrows furrowed as she looked at her sister.

_That's it? Some silly dinner party that no doubt some overeager suitor invited her to with the intention of courting her?_

Letting go of a breath she didn't know she was holding Elsa smiled, her face softening to Anna's surprise.

"Of course you can go, Anna. I can't expect you to spend all day stuck inside the castle and I know how much you love parties."

_Full of men just waiting to sweep you off your feet and steal you away. _

Elsa shook her head and cleared away her jealous thoughts.

"Just make sure you tell the guard when you expect to back from the party."

"O-oh? Really? That's great!" Anna's dazzling smile faltered,"Wait. I wanted you to go with me, Elsa."

Blinking once, Elsa tried to find the right words that wouldn't disappoint her younger sister too much. "Anna..."

"Please? Pretty please? C'mon Elsa! Even with the gates being open you hardly ever leave them! I just want you to go tonight, we don't even have to stay long. I miss doing things like this with you."

Anna had grabbed one of Elsa's hands and held it firmly in her own. The older girl looked down into pleading teal eyes and felt her face flush.

_Her hand is warm._

Even so, she steeled her heart and stiffened her expression. "I know, Anna, I know. But you know how much I don't care for things like that. Besides, I'm sure that handsome," A small grimace crawled over her lips," young man isn't expecting the Queen of Arendalle to arrive to his dinner party either."

She squeezed the younger girls hand gently.

_And the last thing I need is to just stand and watch the awkward attempts to woo you all night. _

Ever since Kristoff broke things off with Anna, the only person in the entire kingdom to have more suitors was the Queen herself.

Elsa wasn't prepared for the tears she saw welling up in her younger sisters eyes. Searching her face, she felt her heart drop as Anna spoke.

"Who cares, Elsa?! It doesn't matter what he thinks, or anyone else for that matter! All I want is to go and have fun with you. Who cares about all the suitors? It's not like I could be interested in any of them anyways! I have someone that I-"

Elsa saw a blush creep over Anna's freckled cheeks and her eyes widened. "I mean! I-I'm not ready to be with anyone... y'know after Kristoff!"

Snatching her hand away, the Princess' eyes wondered around the room, looking everywhere except at Elsa.

"Oh? Oh." Elsa searched her mind for an appropriate response to the fact that Anna had someone she was interested in.

_Of course there's someone she's interested in, you idiot. She's an eighteen year old girl. You can't expect her to stay single forever. _

Elsa swallowed hard. "I didn't know that you... I just figured you weren't in to those type of men..." She trailed off and tried to hide her shear disappointment.

_What were you expecting? That you'd have her all to yourself? Lock her away in the castle again just like it was before?_

Thankfully misreading the disappointment in her older sister's icy blue eyes, Anna attempted to mend the awkward situation.

"I-it's not like Hans! Elsa, I swear. I wouldn't do something that- that stupid again. And he isn't like... That. He isn't snooty or show-off-y, so don't think that I'll ever be into people like that. It won't actually ever BE anything. It can never happen. She doesn't even- I mean he. HE doesn't even know and... Ugh, forget it Elsa! Just- Just forget I asked anything."

The younger girl stammered through her words, obviously frustrated as the blush in her cheeks grew deeper. Anna turned away and lowered her head, holding her sides.

"It was stupid to expect you to go with me." she whispered, almost to herself.

_Sh-she? Anna... Likes a girl. She likes girls?! _Elsa's mind raced and she thanked the Gods that her sister was so easy to read when she was upset.

_This changes everything. This is good. Great, in fact. This could mean... _

Hardly keeping up with her thoughts, Elsa felt dread pull at her stomach and she bit the inside of her lip. This could mean what exactly? What did she think this meant for her?

_I could have a chance._

Her heart started pounding away in her chest and she brought a hand up over it, willing it to stop lest it burst out of her chest.

_You could what? That you could have a chance? With your sister? _

The Queen would have laughed out loud if she didn't feel like she was going to vomit.

_Listen to yourself. That sounds like the most deluded statement in the universe._

Icy blue eyes drifted upwards to the smaller figure in front of her. Her shoulders were hunched up and Elsa couldn't tell if she was crying or not but she hadn't left yet, so Elsa would try her hardest to make things right again.

"Listen, Anna... I'm sorry." Hesitantly, she brought a hand up to Anna's shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly. Her stomach dropping when she felt Anna flinch.

"I didn't know it meant so much to you, so I'll go with you, okay? Just please don't be upset."

She gazed at the back of Anna's head, hoping for the princess to turn around and face her again.

Anna's shoulders dropped slightly and Elsa heard her sigh softly. A tentative hand slid up to cover the one on her shoulder and Anna turned to look into her older siblings cool gaze.

_She doesn't look like she hates you yet. That's good. _

The princess' mouth opened as if she were going to say something but before anything came out it was shut once more. Her gaze never left Elsa's as she gripped the hand on her shoulder.

"I'll go and get my gown on and we'll head right over, okay?" The queen's voice soothed and a warm smile spread across her pale cheeks.

She went to pull back from the younger girl but stopped short when she felt Anna's grip tighten. Noticing that the red head's blush was spreading across her cheeks and to her ears, Elsa couldn't help it when her own face flushed in kind.

There was some kind of expression on the freckled girl's face that Elsa couldn't quite place.

She swallowed, her mouth suddenly becoming dry. Against her will, Elsa's gaze flickered to Anna's lips and she found herself in a haze.

_Gods, I would give anything to kiss her._

And if the Gods did exist they must have answered her prayers, because before she could berate herself for inappropriate thoughts about her sister's lips, she felt those very lips pressed against her own.

Anna had turned around suddenly, wrapping her arms around the older girls neck and pushing her body against Elsa's. The way she pressed their lips together with such fervor had the Queen's mind in a scramble.

_She's kissing you. She kissing you! Do something - anything is better than just standing here!_

So she did.

Casting all doubts aside, Elsa kissed her back, wrapping her arms around Anna's waist to hold her close.

The kiss was tentative at first, soft and unsure, neither girl wanting to do anything to bring it to an abrupt end. But now it was becoming something more, deepening as both girls let their emotions take hold.

_Anna..._

Her hands crept up the red head's back, and she gasped into the kiss when as felt Anna arch her back, her lithe body desperately pressing against her own.

Elsa felt a fire ignite in her chest as Anna's tongue ran against her lips and she gladly parted them to allow her access. The younger girl's tongue hungrily ran across her older sister's and Elsa could swear she was on fire.

_Anna._

Something was taking over Elsa. She felt her heartbeat in her ears and she was sure she could feel Anna's against her chest as well. A longing like she had never felt before pushed itself to the surface. Her pulse was racing. She could hardly breathe. Her head was spinning.

"Elsa..." Anna moaned, running her hands up into the older girls pale locks.

_Oh, gods._

The sound of her name on Anna's lips was almost too much to take. Anna was calling out to her. Anna wanted her. Wanted her in a way that made a wave of heat roll through Elsa's entire body.

_She needs you._

And in that instant Elsa could feel ice form underneath her feet, spreading across the floor. She could hear the crackling of the frost creeping up the windows and walls. Her body stiffened. She was frozen.

_In a way that a sister shouldn't._

She opened her eyes and locked them with Anna's and saw a look of hunger that sent shivers down her spine. The sun had set now and she could just make out Anna's breath coming in pants, thin white clouds rising to the ceiling.

Snow was falling gently around the two now and it took a moment for Anna to register that something was wrong.

"Elsa?" She whispered, a tinge of want still on her lips. She looked up into her older sister's eyes, desperately needing reassurance.

"W-We can't." She whispered, talking more to herself than the younger girl.

"We can't do this, Anna." Elsa's eyes met Anna's once more. Her words were icy, barely any emotion coming through.

"What...? Elsa I love you. I'm in love with you. Why can't we..." Anna's eyes switched from Elsa's left and right quickly. Her eyes were welling up with tears, now and Elsa could feel hers doing the same.

"I can't believe I... You're my- my sister." The monarch nearly retched at the realization, at the thought of what they had just been doing. What she had been doing.

_To your little sister._

Anna pulled back from their embrace, tears now streaming down her freckled cheeks. Her eyebrows were twisted into a painful expression as she gripped her hands into fists at her sides.

She was sobbing now.

"I thought... I thought you of all people would understand! I thought you felt the s-same, Elsa!" Her breath caught in her throat as a whimper escaped her lips. She was yelling now.

"You kissed me back! Now you say that we can't? Don't tell me you don't feel anything after that, Elsa!"

She held her breath to stop another whimper from finding its way to her older sister's ears.

Elsa just looked at her. Looked at her younger sister sobbing and fighting for... For whatever this was. Whatever they could eventually be.

_What we could never be._

The air in the room was swirling, the snow whipping around Elsa like a snowstorm. The wind was rushing in her ears and Elsa could hardly feel her own tears streaking down her face, falling onto the frozen floor.

_I can't do this to her._

"Please, Elsa!" she cried.

"Don't do this to me! Don't stand there and not say anything. Talk to me. You owe me that at least. I can't take this anymore, Elsa. I can't keep pretending!"

The princess' shoulders heaved with each sob as her words echoed into the dark, puffs off white swirling in the air. Her pleading expression seeming to have no effect on her older sisters blank stare.

Anna let out another whimper, her voice breaking as her breath hitched with a sob,

" I can't live like this anymore."

The wind suddenly stilled as Elsa's eyes seemed to focus on something in the distance. Snow flakes that once raced around the Queen's form were now suspended mid air, reflecting the moonlight that was filtering through the icy windows.

Anna let herself think, for just one brief moment, of just how beautiful Elsa was.

Finally, icy eyes met Anna's, the moon making them seem to burn with an intense white light.

A pause,

"Then leave."


	2. Abandonment Issues

**A/N:** _Woah! So yeah, another day, another chapter. Honestly, this one felt like more of half a chapter to me. But the next one will be quite be long and will probably be the most angsty chapter in the whole story. You can probably expect it up by the end of the week. Anyways, please leave a review if you have any constructive criticism or just something to say about the story in general! Thanks to all the readers so far!_

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**Chapter Two: Abandonment Issues  
**

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A tall man walked through the streets of Arendalle's market district, his dirty blond hair jutting out from underneath a wool hat. His facial features were bold without being intimidating, seeming to contrast a kindness that shined in his eyes. A smug grin spreading across slightly sunburnt cheeks let the world know he was elated.

"Oh, man! Just wait until Sven sees all these carrots!" Kristoff beamed.

He held to his side a bag containing several newly purchased goods and passersby could hear the blond whistling to himself. Delivery days were the best.

There was a skip in his step , the morning sun shining down brightly on his skin leaving him with a feeling of bliss. The sound of the bustling market square rang in his ears as he headed toward his sled a few blocks away.

Casually glancing over, he stopped short.

A small figure conspicuously covered in a dark green cloak was making its way from the market to the direction of the castle gates. Kristoff focused his eyes and he could see a flash of bright red locks from underneath the shadow of the cloak's hood.

Rolling his eyes, the man called out, "Anna!"

This made some of the nearby townspeople look over, exchanging hushed whispers as they scurried by.

"Princess Anna?"

"Princess Anna is here!"

"That was the princess? Didn't she just stop by this shop earlier?"

Cover blown, Kristoff could see her stop in her tracks and attempt to jam something into the cloak. A large smile spread across his tanned cheeks and he let out a chuckle. What was the princess up to _now_?

Anna turned on her heel to face Kristoff. Her beaming smile seeming out of place on her otherwise startled facial features.

"K-Kristoff! Oh hey there, buddy. Funny seeing you here!"

She let out a dry chuckle and gripped the hidden item closer to her body. The blond man walked up to her and raised an eyebrow. Throwing the bag of goods over his shoulders he stared down at her incredulously.

"Oh, really? Because I thought I was the Official Royal Ice Master and Deliverer who delivers ice here nearly every other morning." Kristoff smirked.

Anna just crossed her arms and huffed at him.

"What do you think you're doing out here, Anna? " Honestly, he wasn't expecting her to tell the truth.

"Me? I'm just y'know... browsing. It's a lovely morning to be in town isn't it? Look at all the happy townspeople." the princess gestured exaggeratedly.

The freckled girl hopefully looked up at Kristoffs face which was formed into a blank look of disbelief.

" I can walk around the market if I want to, Kristoff! Get off my back! Why can't I do _anything_ without someone getting after me about it!" Anna immediately recoiled at her snappy response.

Sighing, she dropped her gaze to the stone paved ground.

"...I'm sorry, Kristoff. I didn't mean that. It's just - it's complicated."

She couldn't lie to him. Kristoff was her best friend and about the only person she had to confide in besides...

Anna shook her head and brought her eyes back to the blond's. She found Kristoff's face painted with worry, a large hand hesitantly hovering over her shoulder. He was such a genuine person.

"Hey, are you alright? Do you want to talk about it or something?" His hand finally came to rest on her shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

The redhead bit the inside of her lower lip and gripped the object at her side.

"Can you come to the gardens with me?"

* * *

Anna paced in front of Kristoff who was sitting on a lavish bench. Tucked away in a secluded part of the castle's largest garden, the friends felt at ease in each others company.

Kristoff messed with the stitching of the bag at his feet idly. She had been pacing there for what seemed like hours now, still no path worn into grass, to the man's utmost surprise, though.

"Anna, talking about it actually requires you to... Y'know talk." he said, running out of patience.

"I know, Kristoff! It's just, once I tell you..." The princess chewed of her bottom lip in thought.

" If I tell you..."

Anna stopped her pacing and shot Kristoff a pained expression, clutching the hem of her cloak.

"You won't look at me in the same way."

The emotion flashing through her eyes left little doubt in Kristoff's mind that what she said was somewhat true. Swallowing slowly, he inhaled,

"Anna. No matter what's going on, I promise I'll do my best to understand."

Giving his best smile he patted the spot next to him on the bench. Anna tentatively joined him there, back facing him slightly. She gripped the front of her skirt and took in a deep breath.

"A-Alright. "she gulped.

Kristoff steeled himself. What could Anna have possibly done? Got caught up in? Was it something akin to what happened a year ago with Prince Hans? He had no clue. Hating to see the princess so worked up all he could do is listen to what she had to say.

What she had to say, he soon found out, he was not even remotely prepared for.

Anna started her long rant, beginning with the very first day after Elsa thawed Arendalle. How she and her older sister slowly started working on becoming more than just strangers after thirteen years of separation. Of how they soon found themselves talking through the night, spending as much time together as possible even with Elsa's busy schedule. The way Anna started noticing Elsa's hand lingering on hers, the way her heart would race after hearing the Queen say her name. The way Anna felt whenever the Queen would look at her when they were alone, how much she longed for her older sister if they spent more than a day away from each other.

In between short pauses as she gathered her thoughts, she began pacing again.

She told him of the way her chest ached knowing her older sister always made time for her at the end of her long days. How badly Anna wanted to hold her close, not just the brief embraces they usually shared. How much she wanted to kiss the Queen. Of the conflict she saw in Elsa's eyes every time they would exchange flirtatious words. How she knew the older girl was suffering, trying in vain to suppress the feelings she had. How strong the older girl was. How much they loved each other.

How hopelessly in love with Elsa she was.

She went on to tell him of the night before and how sour it had turned. Of how she finally managed to work up the courage to kiss her. To confess her feelings. She told him of Elsa's initial reaction and where it all when wrong. How she left her older sister to sort through her feelings alone, and how her heart hurt knowing Elsa would most likely shut her out again. How she cried herself to sleep.

She was left breathless, the tightness in her chest not releasing its grip. She didn't dare look at Kristoff yet. He hadn't said a word during Anna's rant and she was terrified of what that meant.

Anna's chest heaved and she felt her eyes welling up. She couldn't tell if it was out of fear or shear relief that caused the tears to streak down her freckled cheeks. She prayed that she made the right choice to confide in her friend.

"At the market I- I was buying something for her." She sniffled, wiping tears from her face.

"As stupid as it sounds I thought buying something for her myself would keep her from ignoring me completely. Something that I knew she would love. Something that showed her how much I loved her."

Anna looked over to the small box wrapped in cloth that was on the bench on top of her now folded cloak. She realized how silly it seemed now. How could she hope Elsa would accept these feelings after receiving such a simple gift?

She was startled when Kristoff suddenly stood up, picking up his bag from the ground. Her eyes met his and Anna could see confusion, shock, betrayal and pity all swirling in his eyes. The man silently walked past her to the closest exit from the gardens, taking slow deliberate steps. Before reaching his destination he turned toward her and finally spoke,

"I... I need some time, Anna. I need time to think about all of this, but... I'll keep my promise."

And he turned to walk out of view, leaving her alone.

She stood still for some time, staring after the place Kristoff had left her view. The garden seeming too quiet now, all she could hear was the rustling of the slight breeze through the trees around her.

Her hands were shaking now and she could feel a wave of nausea wash over her as legs crumbled underneath her. Falling to the soft grass, she broke down in heavy sobs, shoulders heaving with each cry. Her heart hurting too much to care who could hear.

_What was it about her that made the people she cared most about abandon her?  
_


End file.
